If I experienced any of these embarrassing stories firsthand, I would never want to leave my house again. How these people got involved in such bizarre events, I have no idea. Content has been edited for clarity.
Why Were These Questions Getting So Personal?
“When I was fifteen or sixteen, I used to walk up the mountain that overlooked my house to smoke weed. I would put my headphones in and listen to some songs on this awful MP3 player that held about fifty songs at best and just relax. I would get to the top and sit on the edge of this cliff, just taking in the stunning view of our valley. I could see all of my friends houses and the streams of smoke from the chimneys of old cottages in the forests of the Welsh mountains. If I got a bar of signal, I would text my friends. They knew I went up there to smoke and they’d say they could see my outline. Quite often, I would see the most beautiful sunsets up there, like red skies cutting through purple clouds, and light bouncing off the tops of other mountains. All you could hear was the wind and some cattle. So one day I was up there, sat in my usual spot, and I see this guy really struggling to climb up the mountain. He looked well out of his element. He was moving slowly, breathing deeply, and took a couple of small falls on his way up, until eventually he made it to the top of the mountain. Now bear in mind, you can see a half mile in each direction on top of the mountain. There are no obstructions to your view up there, and there’s all of the space in the world. He could have sat anywhere he wanted to admire the view. But he headed toward me.
It was just the two of us up there with a couple of sheep maybe. The nearest farm or cottage was a twenty minute walk. Cell signals were few and far between, and at this point I had absolutely none. He was still heading toward me, but he didn’t look threatening in size or shape. I wasn’t worried, but I didn’t know what he wanted, so I was guarded. He finally got right over to me, stopped, looked at the view, took a deep breath, and said, ‘Alright mate? Mind if I join you?’.
‘Sure thing dude’.
I kept toking on my joint while he was still taking in the view. Then he attempted some small talk. I nodded along and offered the occasional grunt, or fake laugh. Then he started getting real weird with me. He started asking about my family and about how I must have had it real good growing up in a town like that. He asked where I lived and where I went to school. He also asked if I had a girlfriend. Loads of really personal questions. I didn’t give him much to go on, and eventually I straight up asked him what his deal was. He shifted a little closer to me. Then he told me that he was a negotiator that worked for the police, and he had been sent up there to get me to come down from the cliff, because someone had phoned them and claimed I was going to jump. I didn’t believe him, so I asked to see his ID. And sure enough, he was telling the truth. It took about five minutes for me to convince him that I was not trying to jump, I just walked up there to smoke weed and take in the view. He didn’t believe me at first, but I told him to look at the view and smoke some of my weed. He declined the weed, took in the view again, and said, ‘Yeah, fair play mate’. He offered me a ride home down the mountain, which I accepted. It turned out to be a good day.”
What Does He Do When Nobody Is Around?
“I was standing behind this guy waiting for the elevator in a hotel one time. We were down in the lobby, and it was busy with lots of people coming and going, so he obviously hadn’t noticed me. Elevator doors open, he gets in and turns to press the button for his floor, so he didn’t see me walk past him on the other side. As soon as the doors close, obviously still under the impression that he was alone, he lets rip the most heinous fart that went on for all of about ten seconds. It felt like it went on for all of eternity. Mid-fart, out of the corner of his eye, he spots me standing just behind him. The poor guy almost jumped out of his skin. He’s staring at me like he’s seen a ghost. I’m staring at him with what I can only assume was a fairly horrified expression, trying to think of something to say to make this whole situation less awkward. As luck would have it, we were both going to the same floor AND he was staying in the room right across the corridor from me, so we have to endure an extra thirty seconds or so of mortified silence as we walk down the hall together. I thought about slipping a humorous note under his door, something like, ‘Should have stayed away from the shrimp tacos at the buffet’, but I decided against it.”
The Longest Thirty Seconds Of His Life
“Me and a four of my mates were pre-drinking at my house prior to heading out to the club for $1 Corona Thursdays. We were all uni students and were all pretty much broke, so when the topic came up as to how we were going to get to the clubs, I suggested that we walk there, as it was only a thirty minute stumble and we could take drinks on the road. Everyone except for one of my mates, who we will call Ben, was cool with walking. Ben did not want to walk and suggested that we take a cab, but we quickly ruled this out, as cabs were expensive where I am from, and Ben had no money to chip in anyway. After some back and forth arguing, I proposed to Ben that I would pool all of my pocket change together and we could pay for a cab with that, otherwise we would walk. Ben insisted on the change. Thirty minutes later, we all hopped into the cab to head to the clubs.
I was in the very back of the cab, while my friends were in front of me, with Ben in the middle. It was one of those situations where I would need to wait for everyone in front of me to get out before I could put the seat forward and hop out. When we arrived, the cabbie driver said that would be $26.50. My friends bailed out of the cab as fast as they could, but luckily Ben kept his word and gave the cabbie the bag of change while I was trapped in the back, waiting for Ben to get out. The cabbie turns back and angrily asked if that was all that we really had. Ben nervously explained that there should be around $40 in the change, but the cabbie was not happy at all. The cabbie kicked us out of his cab finally, which made my friends pee themselves with laughter. I had to spend thirty excruciating seconds awkwardly trying to get the seat to go down and apologizing, while the cabbie was screaming at me. It was beyond awkward! I felt so bad, but we did leave all of the change with the guy, so he got a pretty sizable tip!”
How One Little Tumble Gets The Police, Fire Fighters, and Prisoners Involved
“This is a story I don’t tell much, because it’s just so unbelievable that I sound like a liar. I was hiking alone and stumbled upon a group taking a break. I heard one of the women say, ‘I’m going with him, he looks like he knows what he’s doing,’ and she shuffled towards my direction. I was training for a more serious hike with a bag full of stuff and was trying to keep my pace up, but I figured she would be joining me, so I waited for her as we walked over together. She was scared of everything. I have no idea how she made it as far as she did, but I really appreciated her determination. She screamed at every root, hole, and snapping twig. She was frantically grabbing at me and acting terrified, but whatever, this was her first hike and I was helping her along. She was super talkative and was asking me awkwardly forward questions about my relationships and just about anything you can think of. She had a Jamaican accent and was super lively and fun though, which made for an entertaining walk. About two hours in, we reach a steep hill that was mostly mud and rocks, and I thought there was no way my partner makes it through this. I take a few steps forward and reach my hand out for support. She slips on wet tree root, I hear a SNAP, and down she goes like a bowling ball, hitting everything on the way down.
She lands in a mud puddle, squirming and squealing like a pig. Her leg is broken and looks like a wet noodle. She was screaming how she was going to die. So here we are, alone and hours into the woods in the middle of nowhere, and I’m trying to convince this lady that her leg, at a right angle, is just a sprain. She starts accusing me of pushing her, and that was when I started to get worried. As I’m elevating it and trying to calm her down, a couple approach, and she starts hollering that I pushed her and that I did it on purpose. So now these people are looking at me like I am a maniac, and I’m calmly explaining that this is not the case. This woman pulls me aside and hands me two pills. She tells me to give my partner both of the pills just in case. Fifteen minutes later, my partner was as cool as a cucumber, and she didn’t seem to mind her leg anymore. The couple leave and a few minutes later, I kid you not, a Boy Scout troop approached. The pack leaders thought this would be a great real life learning experience. As a group they learned how to stabilize, elevate, and care for someone with a broken leg. Again, she told the adults that I pushed her on purpose, and this was all my fault. Around this time, her original hiking group shows up. This group consisted of three exchange students who barely spoke English and their trail guide. I asked if the students would head back to the trailhead and find reception good enough to call 911. The trial guide just got right out of there and kept on hiking without another word. Maybe there was a waterfall up ahead he really wanted to see. It was the weirdest reaction to an emergency situation.
Some time passes, and eventually an EMS who got the emergency call arrives with a legitimate leg brace. She told him I pushed her. He pulled me aside and told me how he didn’t care if I pushed her or not. But this woman was big enough that we needed life flight to get her out of here. He asked me if I was ready fro a long day, since we had to wait for some firefighters and police to arrive. I guess I had to be ready then! They bring what looks like a big wheel barrow, and we all discuss if there’s a legit chance we can get her out of the woods without a helicopter. At this time there’s about eight of us, and she was telling them all I pushed her, and that we’re also married now. It’s hot, everyone is tired, and nobody wants to be here. I don’t feel like bailing on these guys, so I continue to stay and help, even though I feel like I might get sued in the end for all of this. The fire department decided they needed to call in backup and avoid the helicopters as a last resort. They radio in female inmates and guards from the local prison, who apparently do emergency evacuations for this kind of thing. The fire chief tells me that no matter what, don’t look them in the eyes. He said they’ll smile and try to be cute and start conversation, but it’s just a trick to accuse someone of harassment, so they can get out of some jail time or whatever. I don’t know, but he was right, and these women were seductive temptresses who did just what he said. After carrying her through a few miles of tight trails, we created a pulley system to bring her up a hill. I was stung by a wasp, and it took every ounce of energy I had, but after nine hours, we got her to an ambulance that was waiting. She was still telling everyone I pushed her, but the fire chief simply shut the ambulance door on her. She never said thank you to anyone who helped, which upset me more than being accused of pushing her. So everyone just kind of piles up and leaves in their nearby vehicles, and I’m standing in this clearing alone, not knowing where the heck I am, when James, a volunteer firefighter yells from his truck if I need a ride. He said he would take me to the trailhead, but asked first if I, ‘wanted to see some real redneck stuff.’
Why not? He drove me to a rooster fighting farm, which apparently the police couldn’t bust because of some redneck science or something I don’t know, but what a sight to behold! Thanks James. Anyway this woman got my number during the day because she wanted some pictures I took. I had to block her because she continuously called me and left creepy whispering voicemails that said stuff like, ‘Why didn’t you come to the hospital?’ and, ‘Why did you push me?’ Absolutely not, I’m not dealing with her anymore!”
“That’s My Poo!”
“There was that time that I screamed at a woman over poop. My little village has a small annual dog show. We normally enter our little dog, who has won ‘friendliest dog,’ ‘waggiest tail,’ and ‘dog the judge would like to take home’ in the past. This year, she was unfortunately in season. so we didn’t enter to prevent any ‘fuss’ from the other dogs, but we took her along to watch. Half way across the park, she decided to poo, and I suddenly realized I had forgotten a bag. There were loads of other people with dogs around due to the show, so I wandered away a little to to ask someone for a bag. I turned back, and to my horror, a lady was picking up my little dog’s mess. Not wanting to feel like one of those losers that doesn’t clean up, I ran towards her to advise her that she didn’t have to do that, because I was going to get it. Instead, in a sort of panic, I waved my arms and barked, ‘NO, THAT’S MY POO!’
Please note that I did not say, ‘That is MY DOG’S poo!’
She physically jumped then turned a deep red. She sort of mumbled an apology, dropped the poo, and marched off with her dog. It was at that point that I looked to my left and saw my dog’s poo sitting a few feet away from the lady’s dog mess that she was attempting to pick up. I think about this at night quite often still.”
Love At First Flooding?
“While my dad was out of the country, there was a major leak from the water tank in the loft, which caused serious damage to the property and caused lots of other issues, including a huge hole in the ceiling. I called out a repair guy, and once he started working, I heard a huge boom, followed by a string of expletives and a small cry fo help. I found him half in a cupboard, soaking wet, with his hand on a burst water pipe. I ended up having to help. This involved me climbing up to the loft (in a short dress and stockings while he was basically laid on the floor underneath the ladder) and trying to turn off the water from there. This didn’t work, so we ended up switching places, so he could professionally investigate. Swapping places involved me getting soaking wet, and having to press up against the guy and contort myself into position in order to minimize the risk of further damage and water explosively spraying everywhere. There was further pressing against each other and awkwardly closer contortions, as water was sprouting out like from a fountain unless we held it, before the leak was resolved. The situation was like a bad rom-com parody. Our dialogue even included things like, ‘If you come here you’ll get wet,’ and, ‘I don’t mind getting wet, let’s do it.’
I was an adult, so it could have been worse. But it was beyond embarrassing, and I still shudder every time I think about this. Hopefully my mortifying embarrassment can bring some joy and amusement to whoever is reading this.”
The Entire Lobby Was Laughing
“Once I was at a dog groomers to pick up my dog. It’s fairly small animal, only about twenty pounds, and stark white. Usually when I take him, he’s got long semi curly hair, and when I pick him up, he has short straight hair, which is quite a change. Now this is usually what I expect when I go to pick him up. I walk up to the counter and request my dog, and the clerk tells me he’ll be out in a moment. Thirty seconds later an attendant walks out to the lobby from the back door with a dog that immediately gets excited and tries to run away as soon as it rounds the corner to me. ‘Hey buddy!’ I say as I walk up and attempt to pick up my dog, but it turns around and starts recoiling back and gives me a nip when I try picking him up. An old man behind me asks, ‘Hey, is that your dog?’
And me thinking it’s a pretty weird question respond, ‘Yep, totally!’
At that point he goes, ‘I don’t think so mister, that’s my dog!’ and as I turn and realize this dog that looks just like mine after a grooming is 100% not my dog, my face goes completely red, and the whole lobby starts laughing. To make it worse, the old couple whose dog it was stuck around just because they wanted to see what my dog actually looked like, and of course when he came out with a different haircut, there was only a vague resemblance. Yikes!”
Never Go On A Night Time Bike Ride
I went for a bike ride in my neighborhood at about midnight a month ago. It was pitch black outside, except for the occasional streetlights every five or six houses. I was kind of just zoning out and enjoying the fresh air, when something moved out of the corner of my eye. I turned my head to look, and I immediately assumed it was some kind of monster. I had just finished watching a horror movie, so this was on my mind. I let out an extremely loud, bloodcurdling scream in the middle of the night in a silent suburban neighborhood. The mysterious creature, which turned out to be a blond soccer mom, screamed back at me, for a pretty good reason. I zipped past her on my bike, yelling, ‘Oh my god, I’m so sorry!’ over and over again until I got off the street. I haven’t gone on a nighttime bike ride since then.”
No One Could Help Them
“I am a pediatric nurse, but we ‘float’ (or substitute) to other floors when we have more nurses than we need. So I was sent to an adult floor to work as an assistant, since their nurse had called in sick. An older male patient called out asking for help to get up to the bathroom. He stood, tried to pivot, and his newly operated knee completely gave out. All 320 pounds of him came down on top of me, and we laid there for almost an hour! I had closed the door for privacy, and neither he nor I could yell loud enough nor reach the call light for help. My phone was ten feet from me on the floor after it fell out of my scrubs and rang incessantly. Finally, the other assistant came to find me because she wanted to go on break and was tired of having to do all my work. The patient was fine, since he fell on me, but I was sore for a week. We were nose to nose the whole time, and boy was it awkward. His breath was terrible, but he was a nice man and felt so bad about the entire thing. No. I couldn’t yell very loud because he was on top of me. He was even quieter, his door was shut, and it was during day shift, so the floor was just busy and loud. We tried, but no one could help us. All the fellow patients and visitors were old and hard of hearing. It was so frustrating!”
The Worst Position To Be In
“I used to do security work at parties. One night there was an alert call for a young woman who had gone missing. I found her with her dress hitched up, looking for her underwear in the bushes. I managed to unlock her phone to call her dad, who from his name I recognized as the local district attorney. He comes over to pick up his wasted daughter. While I was carrying her to the car, she was making very inappropriate remarks about me carrying her, all while her father is hearing me out like I was responsible for his daughter ending up that way, even suggesting I had attacked her. His lecture continued after I put his daughter in the backseat, still making the same remarks while pressing up her body against the car window. When the cops arrived at the scene, she had absolutely nothing on, putting her butt out the window for everyone to see. I told the cops my side of the story, and as soon as she picked up my name, she started moaning it to the point of waking up nearby neighbors. It was so horrifically loud. I was brought to the police station for interrogation, but thankfully the surveillance footage proved my innocence. Five years later, and I now see this district attorney on a weekly basis at my job.
From the footage it looked like she was trying to pee there, but she fell over while squatting. Unfortunately, she did have some onlookers who were less than helpful. I’m pretty sure two of those people had their phones out to record it. Those police officers were instructed by the District Attorney to question me, but the chief inspector told me that I had nothing to worry about, as the District Attorney had no real evidence or proof to use against me. I did try to leave a written statement just in case!”
Literally The Most Uncomfortable Position To Be Put In With A Woman In The Car
“I was on a flight to see my family a few years ago during Thanksgiving. I sat next to a really nice woman. We talked the whole Way. Our flight arrives to Charlotte, but we are delayed on the tarmac for hours. They eventually announced my connecting flight has been cancelled. The girl I was sitting next to starts complaining, as she was on the same connecting flight as me. At the counter trying to rebook, they told me they couldn’t do anything until the next day. The girl from the plane was standing behind me and tapped me on the shoulder. She asked if I want to share a rental car and just drive the rest of the way together. I want to check it out at least, since cars might not be available now. We go to the rental area. And after fighting through a huge crowd of people, we finally got to the front. After a lot of waiting and computer tapping, the dude behind the counter says they had one car left, and it’s a Mazda Miata. We took it. Her luggage filled the trunk, and I stuffed my backpack behind the driver’s headrest. She asked if she could drive first, because she wanted me to drive in Atalanta traffic. So I say no problem and we take off. We stop for coffee at a McDonald’s drive through, and we each get one before getting on the highway. But the cups don’t fit in the cup holders, so I hang onto them. We get onto the highway, and I am just happy to finally be making progress. But it isn’t all bad. I was having fun laughing and talking to this person I just met. I wasn’t into her at all, we just clicked as friends. A little ways down the road, the person in front of us slammed on their breaks. The woman I was with slammed on our breaks, and I unconsciously react and squeeze my hands, thus spilling two super hot large coffees all over me.
I freaked out. I was literally burning from my chest to my knees. I only had on adidas athletic pants and a t shirt, which I promptly rip off in pain. The girl I was with was super concerned. She saw what happened and started yelling to grab something out of the backpack to wipe the coffee off. I took all my clothes off and threw them at my feet. I look down and I am bright red all over my stomach and legs. I prop myself up on one knee and turn a little to grab the backpack. It was kind of wedged between the driver seat and hooked on something. I was vigorously pulling on the bag, while the woman trued to help wipe with the sleeve of her shirt. I freed the bag and then heard the woman scream. A second car had swerved right in front of us, and she didn’t see it, since she was concerned about me. She cut the wheel hard to her left, and I tumble into her. Her mouth was open and my privates literally dropped right onto her for about a full two seconds as I was trying to brace myself and push off of her. I push myself back into the seat and put my bag on top of my exposed area. I didn’t feel the burning anymore. I was beyond mortified. I had no idea what she was thinking. I sit there looking straight ahead, and she did the same. I cleaned myself off with a shirt and put another pair of athletic pants on. After what seems like forever, she started laughing. I started laughing. And she told me, ‘At least you taste like coffee!.’
I lost it and laughed the hardest I ever had in my life. She pulled over because she is about to pee from laughter. There was about two hours after that of laughing and expressing our disbelief of everything that happened. We eventually made it to Atlanta and did not stay in touch. She was married and said that there was no way she could explain any of this to her husband. I often wonder what she is up to nowadays.”
