If you’ve not yet heard, The Sun published a problematic study by medical tourism facilitator Longevita which crowned Prince William the world’s sexiest bald man. First of all, the actual study is nowhere to be found, which is hint #1 this is a bald-faced lie. Hint #2: We have eyeballs. Hint #3 that this bald study is BS: Prince William is balding. The “study” reported that he’s been described as “sexy” “17.6 million times online in blogs, reports, and pages found in Google searches.” No timeline is listed, and as we all fondly remember, Prince William was super sexy when he had a full head of luscious hair.
Clearly, many hair-free men are sexier than the 38-year-old Duke, so in the spirit of our Seltzer Madness bracket, we decided to create a bald bracket of our own. Here’s a list of men who are as bald as a baby’s backside and sexier than Kate Middleton’s husband.
1. Jason Statham
Prince William’s fellow bald-headed Englishman is serving us sexy. The former fashion model and world-champion diver has starred in such films as Snatch, The Italian Job, and the Fast & Furious franchise.
2. Vin Diesel
Speaking of Fast & Furious folks, we could present a PowerPoint presentation on the ways that Vin Diesel outpaces Prince William in the sexy department: Muscles, smile, chill demeanor. Born Mark Sinclair, Vin Diesel has a brother just like Prince William. Unfortunately, Vin Diesel’s twin is fraternal, so we were not blessed with double the dashing.
3. Stanley Tucci
We wouldn’t have even categorized actor Stanley Tucci as hot, but he’s definitely sexier than Prince William.
4. Bruce Willis
Okay so Bruce Willis may be giving grandpa vibes these days, but back in the Die Hard days, he was as sexy as they come.
5. Pitbull
At five foot seven, Mr. Worldwide wouldn’t make it on our list of sexiest bald men, but he’s definitely sexier than Mr. British royal family.
6. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
When Dwayne Johnson found out that Prince William beat him out for the world’s sexiest bald man, he took to Twitter to reply, “How in the cinnamon toast f*ck does this happen – when Larry David clearly has a pulse?!?! #demandingrecount”. No offense to the hiLarryus Seinfeld creator, but we do not share The Rock’s sentiments.
7. Floyd Mayweather Jr.
Normally we don’t go for the short, violent type, but if we’re talking sexy bald men, this pro boxer knocks Prince William out of the competition.
8. Boris Kodjoe
Boris Frederic Cecil Tay-Natey Ofuatey-Kodjoe is German for “coochie twinge.” J/k, but the Austrian-born actor and former model is the definition of Brown Sugar.
9. Morris Chestnut
We’ve been crushing on Morris Chestnut since back in 1991 when he played Ricky (RIP) in Boyz n the Hood. The decades have treated this beautiful black man well. How could Prince William hold a candle to Morris Chestnut, who is basically the poster child for pulling off the bald look?
10. Common
Common is pushing 50 and it shows, but the rapper is still sexier than Prince William.
11. LL Cool J
Two-time Grammy Award-winner and NAACP Image Award winner LL Cool J mostly keeps his bald head under wraps (Kangol Bucket hat, anyone?) unless he’s busting perps on NCIS: Los Angeles.
