It's so easy to slap the label "crazy ex-girlfriend" on women post-breakup, but let's be honest, if an ex is acting irrationally, there's probably a good reason why. Breakups bring out the worst in people, especially when they've been wronged or cheated on. These women may have went to dramatic and, dare I say, extreme measures to communicate to get back their former lovers, but for anyone that has been treated like dirt like they were, they probably would too. Content has been edited for clarity.
His Sister Is The Real MVP
“In 2010, I found out my fiancé had been having an affair with our neighbor (for the past six months). Two weeks before our wedding. His best man broke down and told me.
For 8 years, I have been giving creepy dudes my ex’s phone number instead of mine. His sister always texts me his new phone number when he changes it. She also sends photos and videos of him losing his mind angry when he gets a call from a dude looking for an easy lay.
His sister is the real MVP here, though.”
Honey, Where’s The Remote?
“I’ll preface my description of my own behavior by saying I’d left an insanely abusive relationship where I was terrorized in my own home for longer than I should have allowed it to go on. My ex was (is) a callous drinker who gets meaner with every round.
My last weekend in our shared home, I’d been in and out of the hospital for weeks with colitis and was in my bed trying to rest. We’d broken up the week before (after he drank 24 brews and drove home to tell me I was a piece of poo), but we were still sorting out living arrangements. He called, clearly wasted, and said he was on his way home ‘with a crew’ to watch football on our giant surround system. I said no. I needed rest. I guess he wanted to look cool in front of his buds because he threatened to kill me if I was there when he got home.
It wasn’t the first time, but I decided it was the last time. So I left. And I never went back. I only packed one bag that day – full of every remote in the house. There would be no football. And for about year after, long after we’d divided the property, he’d text asking about a remote.
‘Nope. Haven’t seen em. Did you check in the couch?'”
The Hide-A-Key Came In Handy
“Not me, but my aunt once found out that her boyfriend was cheating on her. Instead of confronting him, she wanted to get petty revenge. She knew where he kept his hide-a-key, so one day while he was at work she spent the whole day at his house.
She rearranged all the furniture (brought the upstairs furniture downstairs and vice versa). She also took all the canned goods in his pantry, steamed off the labels, shuffled them, and put them back on at random.
This included the canned dog food. Dude would think he was opening some soup and NOPE! Dog food. When she left, she locked up, put the key back, and never spoke to him again.”
Mystery Baby Mama
“He repeatedly cheated on me with multiple women, so I had my pregnant roommate pee on a test and then just dropped it at his front door. No note, no way to know who it came from. The panic was real.
I got to witness his panic in person and through his best friend. He found out I was in the ER (I have some chronic health issues), but he thought it was because I was pregnant. He showed up and started hounding the doctor for answers and tests.
I told him, no I was not pregnant, and he disappeared from my life after that. But according to his friend, it took a long time to get through his list of other girls in his attempt to find his potential baby mama. Unfortunately, most were from one nighters off of tinder, so he couldn’t contact most of them. I moved shortly after, so as far as I know, he still thinks he’s got a kid out there somewhere.”
Good Thing Concert Tickets Are Transferrable!
“My (ex) boyfriend wanted to see a sold out show Foo Fighters this summer. He and his friends failed desperately in getting their hands on any tickets. I, however, managed to snag two. I waited until Christmas to give them to him and he was beyond excited. Jumping up and down excited.
Fast forward 1.5 awful months later: he dumped me two days before Valentines day after (literally) ignoring me for 3 weeks. The entire breakup blindsided me after 1.5 years together. I haven’t talked to him since, but little did he know that I wasn’t quite finished with him yet. My brother just so happens to be a huge Foo Fighters fan as well… So, I logged into my Ticketmaster account and, surprise surprise, tickets can be transferred. My brother was now about to have the time of his life, while my ex boyfriend got turned down at the doors. Sucks to suck.
The day of the concert, I received a text message from my brother letting me know that he could no longer make it to the concert, but that we would sell them instead. I figured, because the concert was that night, I would message my ex-boyfriend and give him the chance to buy them or I would sell them to someone else. He never answered me, so I posted them online. I was contacted quickly by a few people because the show was sold out. I sold them to a nice girl who was taking her boyfriend for a fair price. I never thought about it after.
Around supper that night, about 5:00-ish, my phone suddenly started going crazy. I had a message from my friend saying my ex was texting her looking for my number. My dear friend, being the wonderful gal she is, actually gave it to him. About 39 seconds later, no less, I was suddenly getting an incoming call from him. Like heck I was going to answer. I let it go to voicemail. While I was listening to the voicemail he left me, (‘I still want those tickets, please don’t tell me you sold them, let me know’), my phone was getting multiple text messages. Six messages in about eigh seconds from his friend. ‘We drove all this way and paid for gas AND hotel, Seriously?????’ Another friend messaged me ‘Hey! Did you sell _ concert tickets? He wanted me to ask!’
I decided to enjoy my supper and then, maybe, I would answer them. Being the nice gal that I am, I told them that yes, I sold them. Last thing my ex said, ‘Thanks for that.’ So now they’re in a city two hours away, stuck in a hotel room for the night with nothing to do while the Foos put on a slamming show.”
The Empty Garage
“I lived with a British guy for two years. I thought we were crazy about each other. We had such fun. He treated me like a queen. During the final six months of our relationship, his ex-girlfriend came back from overseas and started needing ‘light bulbs changed’ and all sorts of other after hours services. His behavior got nastier and nastier, but sometimes more loving than ever before. I was so confused. Of course, he denied anything was going on when I asked him if he was seeing her. He told me I was going nuts to believe he was cheating. Over the months, my intuition was rightly telling me he was, but he was so sneaky that I just couldn’t prove it.
After three months of this, I was seriously traumatized. Then I decided to find out for myself, realizing he wasn’t strong enough to be honest. One Saturday, he and my dog ‘went shopping’ (he hated shopping) and I followed his car, only to see him fetch his ex and her son from a previous marriage. I followed them again and watched them set up a picnic in the local park, obviously settling in for the afternoon all cozy and kissy under a blanket. It really hurt.
Now the house we lived in had three separate garages, there was an inter-leading door between his two. He always kept the empty one locked and when I wanted to used it to store stuff in it, he suggested the stuff would be safer inside the house. He always told me the third garage was empty.
Well, while they were happily picnicking, I hired a bunch of keys from the local locksmith and opened up the third garage. It was packed to the roof with her boxes. So I spent the rest of the day distributing the boxes to the local orphanage, places of safety, and people on the street. It took me almost 4 hours. I was exhausted and somewhat guilty, but my over-riding feeling was a mixture of relief and justice.
A few weeks later, he had been out ‘shopping’ again and came home to ‘fetch his bank card’ (which I had seen him take with him). I was planting seedlings in the garden. He stood next to me looking so pale that he was almost yellow. No color in his sweet little lying cheeks. He asked me if I had been in the third garage. I replied, ‘What would I want to do in there? It’s empty, isn’t it?’
Empty it was. I moved out a week later.”
“Since My Reputation Was In The Gutter, I Decided To Drag Him Down With Me!”
“During my senior year of high school, I started dating a guy, lets call him John. At first, John seemed very nice. He was shy and sensitive and not at all like the other jocks on the football team. After two months of dating, he showed himself to be quite the idiot though when, right after we slept together for the first time, he dumped me. I was hurt, but decided I was better off without him.
Two weeks after we broke up, two guys from the football team came up to me during break and told me that John had been telling everyone who would listen that we’d had been intimate. They told me he went into quite a bit of detail about our supposed ‘exploits’ and had told everyone that he broke up with me cause I was so easy and wanted really weird and creepy things from him.
I was more than a bit hurt and super mad. His fabricated stories meant that my reputation was ruined, while he looked like some type of hero to all his buddies. Well, I decided that I wasn’t going to take it lying down. Since my reputation was already in the gutter, I decided to drag him down with me. The next time someone asked me about the break up, I flatly told them that John broke up with me because I gave him the herp. And wouldn’t you know it, that rumor spread like wild fire. By the next morning, everyone had heard it…including him. He was furious and kept telling people it wasn’t true, but since he went around telling people I was easy and bragging about all the fun times we’d had, nobody would believe him.
When he came to yell at me, my friends laughed in his face and told him to hit the road. Because of his fake disease, John ended up going to prom alone, because no girl would date him. At the end of the year (three months later), I moved states to attend a nice college. Since nobody knew me in my new town, I got to start over without any issues. John stayed behind and got to enjoy his fake herp for years.”
The Payoff Was Worth The Ten Year Wait!
“I moved to America to be with this guy (let’s call him Jerkface). Jerkface happened to work at the same big box store as my friend. One day I went to the store to meet my friend, and a coworker innocently said, ‘Are you looking for Jerkface? He’s visiting his girlfriend.’
I responded, ‘I’M HIS GIRLFRIEND.’ Jerkface was apparently with his other girlfriend. He told me he went to Montana to visit a male friend. The coworker specifically mentioned his girlfriend in Montana. HIS LONG TERM GIRLFRIEND IN MONTANA.
Now another thing you should know about Jerkface is he bought his toothbrushes wholesale and lived in the grungiest apartment ever, so I cleaned every inch of that bathroom, toilet included, with each and every one of those remaining toothbrushes, documenting every step with photographs. Then I rinsed them in the toilet and put them back in the box, packed my stuff and left.
Ten years later, when I’d calculated he was on the last brush, I sent him the pictures. I’d imagine he responded with profuse vomiting, My friend still works with him, apparently he called off work two days after that.”
A Whole New Level Of Petty
“One of my old friend’s exes unexpectedly dumped her while they were sharing an apartment and a job she had landed him. They spent a few weeks living together broken up, and he wasted no time going on new dates. My friend decided to rename the petty game. She began by cutting his sneaker laces slightly shorter and recapping them so that they seemed to have shrank.
One morning, she hid all of his socks while he was running late for work. He became increasingly frustrated while searching the apartment, so she sent him to check the dryer while she placed ALL of his socks in the middle of the hamper he’d been checking for the past 20 mins. Needless to say, he was dumbfounded when he found them later.
Perhaps the most lethal troll was about two weeks after they’d broken up when she added Chardonnay to his dirty water pipe prior to him returning from his date. He immediately plopped down on the couch and took a huge rip when he got home and she just watched like an absolute savage as he repeatedly hit the pipe, utterly confused as to why it was roasting his lungs.”
Better Think Twice Before You Change The Locks
“I had been dating my now ex-boyfriend for three years when he decided to cheat on me. To top it off, we lived together, so I had no idea how to handle the situation. I packed some bags and left to my moms house the second I found out so I could clear my head.
Fast forward one week, I go back to our apartment to grab some of my things that I had left and find it locked and now my key doesn’t work. He had changed the locks on me. I called the landlord and explained the situation, that my locks had been changed and I needed to grab my things. He was livid. Apparently, my idiot ex hadn’t notified the landlord that he had the locks changed. This is very illegal.
My landlord called a locksmith and had the locks re-cut so that only he and I had a key. This happened all while my ex was at work so he had no clue. I moved all of my ex’s things into a storage locker in the basement of the building and waited for him to come home to a big surprise.
I sat in the living room with the door locked waiting until I heard someone coming up the stairs to my unit. I sat there smiling while I heard a key slide into the lock and all of a sudden: ‘WHAT THE HECK?!?!!’
He found my little surprise. I walked to the door calmly and spoke to him through the wood: ‘Sucks finding out your locks been changed, huh?’
He proceeded to have a fit in the hallway, screaming and swearing and pounding on the door telling me he was calling the landlord and the police to tell them he’d been locked out.
The landlord later told me that my ex had called him very upset telling him that the locks had been changed. My landlord calmly explained that since I had notified him and he had a spare key as was required, there was nothing he could do. I don’t know if he called the police, but I never heard from them if he did. I later called the police and explained the situation to them. It was labeled a domestic dispute and I was assured that my ex had no right to enter the building any longer, even if his name was on the lease because I was the main lease holder.
A week later, he still hadn’t picked up his things out of the storage locker in the basement and I heard that he moved to Calgary.”
The Gift That Keeps On Giving
“Now this was a couple years back when I was in college. My friend, we’ll call her Susie, and I were both going into our second years. So was her boyfriend Brad. So Susie found out that she had the herp. The only guy she had ever been with was Brad. Naturally, she was devastated to find out he had been cheating. We found out that she was not the only one he infected. There were, in fact, at least 5 other women we found out about.
What’s more, we found out Brad knew that he was positive and was still going around hooking up with people and saying that he was healthy. Basically his attitude was that someone gave it to him, so why would it be wrong for him to spread it too. Yeah, Brad is a turd of epic proportions.
Susie was just devastated and couldn’t get out of her funk.
There was an urban legend where, as revenge, a woman hid shrimp in her cheating SO’s curtain rods when she was forced to moved out of their apartment. This story had been featured on many shows about urban legends. It just so happened to come on late one night when Susie and I were watching tv.
The problem was Brad had 5 roommates. There was no way that was going to work. But wait! Brad had a car. And Brad was too broke to afford a new car anytime soon. She knew the door code to unlock the vehicle and I knew how to remove certain vehicle panels to access holes in other panels that it would be impossible to get shrimp out of. Plus he worked the early shift on Wednesdays. Lucky for us, it was a Tuesday night.
We went to the store to buy the clearance section of meat and seafood out. We’re talking ground beef, shrimp, imitation crab meat, various kinds of fish and deviled eggs.
Oh, and during this lovely time of September our little town was experiencing a triple digit heat wave. We went in the middle of the night, when it was still 90 degrees out, and got to work. Luckily for us, brad lived in a bad apartment with no security cameras and other tenants who don’t care about two women working on a vehicle at 1:00 am.
Sure enough the door key code still worked. We popped out these little covers on the doors panels that access the interior of the door. In went the tiny little shrimps. Then we removed the plastic panels from the wheel wells. And in went some ground beef and deviled eggs. Next was his lift gate. Anyway you get the idea. We put his car back together and off we go.
Over the next few days, the smell just got worse and worse. The apartment complex manager asked him to move the car off grounds because of the smell. Our town also has some mean feral cats that roam around. They just freaking loved hanging around his car. So not only did it stink, but he risked being attacked by some mean feral cats. He would have to always have the windows cracked open at least a little.
The best part is that Brad and I had the same major. So over the next three years, I saw him a lot. He became notorious for his horrible smelling car. He couldn’t afford to replace it, no one would buy it, no matter how many times he had it cleaned the smell remained, and no one could figure out where the odor was coming from. Even if they had figured it out, most of the panels would need to be completely replaced because the only access were tiny holes.
To this day, people still ask him about his car on Facebook. Like, if he says he will pick people up they ask him if he has a new car. Nope, still the stink mobile. He currently works at Starbucks, so that thing isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Kind of like his disease.
I like to think of this as my ultimate Sherlock Holmes level petty revenge/prank. I will never top the awesomeness of this one. It was my freaking masterpiece.
For those wondering: my friend didn’t want to file charges as it would become public record. We did report him anonymously to the CDC. Someone did go and talk to him that he had been named in several complaints (we encouraged the other women we knew of to do the same). One woman filed a lawsuit against him, but its hard to prove in court that he did it intentionally so nothing came of it.
Your own personal doctor or your local Planned Parenthood (if you live in the US) can provide you with information on how to prevent the spread or prevent contracting something. Planned Parenthood also provides low-cost or free screenings. Many adults do not display symptoms, so it is worth getting checked out on a regular basis. It doesn’t hurt to do it, but it could hurt not to. Stay safe out there, folks!”
She Had The Last Laugh
“I had just turned 18 when I ran off and married my high school sweetheart. It was really against everyone’s wishes but our own and rightfully so. It was truly a horrible decision, but we were young and in love. It was much to his mother’s dismay, as well, that it happened. She was a very young mother and he was her only son. She must have felt like I was taking him away from her. I would, time and time again, receive emails from her describing how great of a wife she was to his father and how I could never live up to that. She would say insensitive things to me, and even subtly imply that I was not good enough for her son. Needless to say, I never really had a rapport with her at all.
And yes, our marriage went downhill, and we split.
The divorce was painful and rocky for both of us. It was a mutual decision because the stress of rushing into adulthood was too much on our relationship. I didn’t hear from his mother much anymore and started to get over him while we were going through our divorce. This is when I found out from a mutual friend that while we were married, my ex husband had an affair…with a child on the way!
This really made things much harder to cope with because the divorce was nearly over and I was almost done with the whole ‘mourning’ process of it all.
To top it all off, my ex husband’s mother found out where I worked and would show up about once a week, pretending that she was there for ‘business’ reasons, when she would just sneer at me while otherwise pretending not to know me.
Turns out, she knew nothing of the little ray of sunshine my ex husband had created with his bang buddy, which set up a lovely retort when she finally chose to speak to me. She approached me, and stated, ‘So I heard it was my son who decided to divorce you.’
Although my stomach twisted into a million knots, and I felt like I could toss a whole slew of angry word vomit her way, I simply stated,’I heard it was your son who decided to make you a grandmother.’ Her expression and the silence: oh, it was golden.”
