It's all too easy to get caught up in your own personal conversations when out to eat, just as it's all too easy for your server to overhear what you have to say. And sometimes it might have better been left private, as these servers dish on the most shocking and
Doesn’t Even Faze Him.
“I was bringing a check for a wealthy local businessman who was dining with his girlfriend. It was a big tab, and I was already counting the tip when the woman hurled his drink in his face and yelled to an aghast room of people, ‘YOU DIDN’T EVEN PAY FOR THE ABORTION!!!’ and stormed out. The man calmly brushed the ice off his suit and looking around said, ‘Not the first time. Won’t be the last.’ I wheeled off and gave him the bill later” (Source).
Luckily They Overheard That!
“Two guys sitting at my bar top, looking shady as f–k, decided they were going to scout for the ladies. Now if you’ve worked in a continuously loud environment, you know that people will say anything when they think you can’t hear them. Man, that was f–king stupid. ‘What about the blonde with the blue dress?’ ‘Nah, I was thinking of that one.’ He pointed to a smaller, more fragile looking brunette sitting by herself. They get quiet for a bit before the first guy asks ‘Are you sure you wanna do this?’ The second guy, ‘That’s what she gets for dressing like a whore. Let’s hope she parked in the back.’ I said ‘f–k that’ and called the police. They were asked to leave and one of the officers offered to follow the girl home” (Source).
A Real Life Maury Show.
“I waited tables at the Olive Garden 10 years ago. A guy and his wife sat down at a table and immediately started arguing. Something about his affair and how a baby from it was costing them money. Finally it culminated as I was bringing out their salad. As I walked away I heard the wife say, ‘Well maybe if you hadn’t boned our son’s girlfriend and gotten her pregnant, we could afford to eat somewhere nicer than the f–king Olive Garden. Oh look, the highlight of my meals, unlimited f–king bagged salad. Maybe you could save up and we could go to Joe’s Crab Shack for our anniversary. A–hole.’ Later one of the servers said she heard the wife being afraid the son was only on speaking terms with them until his college was paid for. I heard the wife say she was going to follow the son wherever he felt like going after school and pretty much berate the husband for using their money to pay for the child. Never found out if it was hush money, or if he was legitimately paying child support. Tips were probably not as high during that hour because we all sort of listened and neglected tables from the server station” (Source).
The Latino Weather Dance.
“Two old ladies, cute as can be: ‘Such strange weather lately.’ ‘They say it’s because of all those Latinos in California.’ ‘Gosh, really?’ ‘That’s what the weatherman said.’ She mistook La Niña and El Niño weather patterns in the Pacific for Latino. A priceless conversation” (Source).
Not Getting It.
“I worked at a popular restaurant chain while in college. The owners of one of the largest breweries in the country came in to eat – I’d prefer to not say the name as I’m a fan of their product and promotional/charity participation. Anyway, they’re sitting there eating and the wife says to the husband ‘I don’t understand what you mean by ‘living paycheck to paycheck.’ He explains to her what ‘living paycheck to paycheck’ actually means in a very respective and unbiased fashion. She STILL doesn’t get it. She questions WHY these people don’t have any money leftover after they pay their bills and why they don’t just ‘change that.’ Or why their bills are so high. Or why they don’t just make more money. They were out to eat with another couple who also tried explaining this to her. A solid 10 minutes were spent on trying to educate this woman on the fact that most people don’t live like she is used to. All of them sort of gave up trying when they realized she just didn’t get it. You could literally see the confusion on her face. It gave me a new perspective on things” (Source).
Alrighty Then.
“I worked at a high-end bistro during summers in college and the rule was if even if we were closing at 11:00 and someone came in at 10:59, we served them. So this older, attractive white man in his 60’s came in with an small but built Asian guy in his 20’s. They sat at across from each other at a 2 top and just ordered wine and dessert. This is pretty typical so I brought out their food, and as they were my last table, I could leave after I had bussed their table and tipped out, so I started packing up the silverware and menus at the tables in my section and doing my other closing duties. I was walking by their table and heard they were having a heated-yet-quiet argument, as if they didn’t want to make a scene. I heard snippets of ‘No, $600 and you spend the night’ by the older male and ‘No, $800, blowjob, 1 round of anal, and I leave when I’m done’ and I was mentally like ‘OK!’ and let them negotiate alone” (Source).
Being Extra Attentive.
“I had a table of two parents and one little boy, aged maybe 9 or 10. The parents were older, in their 50s probably. The boy referred to the man as ‘father,’ and every time he spoke to his dad he began by addressing him. The kid seemed afraid of the man, and the man was constantly correcting the kid for anything and everything. He ordered a water for the kid but it sat untouched on the table corner the whole time. When I brought their complimentary bread, I put a plate in front of each of them. As I walked away, the kid reached for a piece of bread and the dad slapped his hand (rather hard) and said something along the lines of ‘don’t you dare’ and took the kid’s plate away. I assumed he didn’t want the kid to fill up on just bread. But when I was taking their order, I asked the kid what he’d like, and the father said ‘he already ate’ while the kid just sat there, staring down. Some time later, I was walking up behind the man to check on them, and I heard the man whisper ‘Well maybe next time you’ll think twice before you try to sneak away.’ His tone was terrifying, even to me as an adult. That’s when I realized what was going on. My theory is that this man is abusive and the kid tried to run away, got caught, and was being punished by not being allowed to eat. And apparently they were rubbing it in his face by going to a f–king restaurant. I reported it to my manager before they left. I got the man’s name from his credit card (I asked to see his ID as part of our new ‘theft protection policy’ to be sure it was really he) and wrote his license plate number. My manager’s husband works for CPS, and I later learned that the a–hole was actually arrested a few days ago for roughing up a woman at a bar. She said he had a few warrants out too. As far as the issue with the kid, she just said it’s being handled. I don’t really know the process or if CPS coordinates with law enforcement but she made it seem like this meant that the kid would be okay, although she didn’t directly say so. Either way, he’s in jail right now, awaiting trial” (Source).
Classy.
“I was serving a mid 60s man who kind of looked like Mr. Monopoly and two matriarchal looking ladies of the same age bracket. They were very friendly and asked me some questions about school, where I was from originally, etc. Later I am passing by their table and I hear the gentlemen turn to one of the ladies and say ‘Tell her what you are. You’re a c–k tease.’ She then informed the other lady she was indeed a c–k tease” (Source).
That’s Just Sad.
“So I work at a neighborhood bar in a nice area of a big city. Sports bar, lots of regulars, mostly successful people in their late-twenties to mid-thirties. There is one couple that comes in about three times a week. They were planning their wedding at the time and it was about six months before the big day when they came in for a drink. About two hours after they left, the guy comes back in completely hammered. With another guy. They are talking very close to one another, and we can kind of hear him telling the other guy that he was going to leave his fiancée for him, but it was all slurred together so I don’t know exactly what was said. Then they start making out. At the bar. On a slow Tuesday. He came in two days later with his fiancée like nothing happened, so I’m assuming he doesn’t remember. I hadn’t seen them in a while but they turned up a few months ago for bingo night and to celebrate their one-month wedding anniversary” (Source).
Surprise!
“I am German but live in an Asian country, so it’s not very common to meet other people who are German. I was waitressing as a summer job and one night I was serving this old man who was there with a group of friends. As soon as he sat down, he told his friends (in German) ‘I wouldn’t even pay 10 dollars to f–k that slave’ about one of my Filipino co-workers. I proceeded to continue serving the table the entire night and the old guy kept on saying more f–ked up, racist shit about my other Filipino co-workers. When he asked for the bill, I let my co-workers know about the terrible stuff that the guy had been saying. The manager (who was also Filipino) confronted him about it but the old man denied all the allegations. It ended with the racist a–f–k paying and walking out of the restaurant, stammering to his friend ‘How did he know what we were talking about?’ I chose that moment to say to them (in German): ‘Goodnight and thank you for dining with us!’ with this huge s–t eating grin. Needless to say, the expression on his face was priceless” (Source).
What Is Happening Here?
“Once I was stood right behind a table of three ladies, just about to collect some glasses, when one said to the other two… ‘So both of you have tasted his cum?’ They then noticed me, all went bright red and apologized with heads down. I hurried away and told the rest of the staff immediately…” (Source).
First Date Horror.
“I work at a small wine bar. One night a couple came in and headed towards the most romantic spot in the place: the couch next to the fireplace. I hear them talk about the usual stuff, like what they do for a living, do they have siblings, blah blah blah. After the usual first date stuff, the guy busts out a laptop and asks me to turn the music down so him and his date can watch a movie. In a bar. In public. Whatever, it was a slow night and I wanted to see where this went. They get super close and cuddly and eventually start making out. The movie ends, the girls goes to the bathroom and the guy makes a phone call. I hear him telling the person on the line that ‘he’s still stuck at work’ and ‘tell the kids goodnight for me’ and ‘I love you too sweetie'” (Source).
Didn’t See That Coming.
“I waited tables/tended bar in the late ’80s (The Village Inn, Coconut Grove FL), after college. Two ladies sat down at a table in my section, I greeted them and got them water. A man showed up and instantly turned pale. Turns out it was his wife and his girlfriend and they had found about each other and set him up. He had his head in his hands the whole time. I didn’t hear a lot of what they were saying, but the pieces I did hear were unpleasant” (Source).
K…
“I had a table of middle aged women sitting outside with a small Yorkie dog. To be nice, I filled a small bowl of water and brought it to the dog. As I was walking away the ladies start giggling, the owner of the dog dumped the bowl into the bushes and re filled it with bottled water. ‘She Can only drink Aquafina,’ she explained to her friends” (Source).
Well That’s Just Awkward.
“I once waited on a couple that broke up while I was waiting on them. They came separately. The wife showed up first. She was very chipper and friendly and I grabbed her a water while she was waiting on her husband. The husband showed up like ten minutes later. When I went to the table to grab his drink I could hear her saying ‘What’s wrong? What’s your deal? Just talk to me.’ While I was waiting at the bar for his drink one of the hosts ran up to me and said ‘Hey I think your table is breaking up.’ I look up to the corner where they are sitting and the wife is sobbing. Now what do I do? I have to bring him his drink even though surely they aren’t going to stay and eat now right? Wrong! I brought him his drink, when I set it down in front of him, expecting him to tell me thanks but no thank we are leaving, he says ‘Do you know what you want?’ through her tears she says ‘Yes’ and orders. WTF I have to wait on these people now. I then have one of the most awkward tables of my life. Having to keep up my peppy attitude and fake smiles while this poor woman’s life is crashing down. When it was all over and I set the bill down in front of the husband. I figure he would at least be kind enough to pay the bill. Alas, he pushed it back to me and said ‘Can you separate this, please?'” (Source).
Wow.
“I worked at a fine dining restaurant during college – overlooking the lake, white tablecloths, $300 bottles of wine, the whole bit. One night, the matriarch of a family company that is incredibly wealthy and well known came in with some of the company’s executives. It’s my table, but a large one, so one of our male servers (I’m female) was helping me take initial drink orders. The entire group ignores me and speaks only to him, my first clue that maybe this isn’t going to go well… but whatever, that’s fine, maybe they’re just confused about who the lead server is. I pop out to the bar to start getting their drinks from the bar staff, and while I’m out there our maitre’d comes up to me. ‘Your table has requested that [male server] be the one to take care of them.’ Ouch. Okay, there goes the money I’m going to make tonight… but okay. Later, I’m walking past their table with a few dirty dishes in my hands, and I hear the matriarch say, ‘Now, there’s her proper place.’ This was in 2011…” (Source).
